i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone came in the potted fern
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
