You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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