ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
