This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
