i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
