how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
