Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
