Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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