wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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