Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize