I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
