I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
