Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
