Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
