i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
