Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can't special order awesome
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
