We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize