can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
