You smell like stripper and shame
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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