If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
