Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
