Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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