Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
