im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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