Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
