Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
