Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
