Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
