Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
