You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize