ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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