i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
