Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
