Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize