STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
