It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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