I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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