I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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