Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
