He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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