My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
