Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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