Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
