The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
