Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
