What did we do last night that was yellow?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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