Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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