The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
