he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
