I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize