I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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