Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
