Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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