she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
