Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
