so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
