I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
