I have demons in me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
