Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How does it feel to date your dad?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
