You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
