Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize