you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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