she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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