it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize