Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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