Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
