When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
