You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
